Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Transcript of remarks:
“May I have your attention please?\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Welcome to your first day at Harvard Law School.\u00a0 As you may know, this year’s class is Special: there are no White students, no Asian students, certainly no Hispanics, only Black students, to make up for centuries of racist oppression.\u00a0 Congratulations on being selected for our first Reparations Endeavor.\u00a0 I see a hand up, yes, do you have a question?<\/p>No, there are no courses on your course schedule. The courses here are geared for brilliant and hard-working people, which, judging from your grades and test scores, includes few of you.\u00a0 If you were to take our courses and\u00a0be graded honestly, you’d all fail miserably and be kicked out.\u00a0 That would generate terrible publicity for the school which would defeat the purpose of having you in the first place; therefore, you will attend no courses while at this school.\u00a0 Instead, courses have been replaced with attendance-optional discussion sessions geared to your level of ability, in which students will discuss their feelings about law, oppression, discrimination and, of course, slavery, plus everyone will be awarded internships with major civil rights organizations like BLM and Antifa to gain hands-on experience bringing about social change through direct action.\u00a0 Yes, over there, another question?<\/p>
Not to worry, everyone will be getting straight A’s.\u00a0 Class rank?\u00a0 We have a new system for class rank.\u00a0 Each of you is A Class of Your Own.\u00a0 Everyone will graduate First in Class, be selected Valedictorian and have an opportunity to give a speech (on Zoom, because Covid) to your friends and relatives.\u00a0 Yes, you on the right?\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Well, no, I don’t suppose you will learn much law here. But that’s not really a change, is it?\u00a0 I mean, you’ve been Affirmative Action recipients all your lives. Special breaks in high school, special admission to college, special grading there . . . you’ll notice none of you took the GRE to test your knowledge in your major area of study, some of you took the LSAT which is a general knowledge bullshit exam, but most of you were given a test waiver on account of your race.\u00a0 Subject matter expertise has never been expected of you; why start now?\u00a0 In the red shirt, yes, your question?
No, no! Perish the thought.\u00a0 Your Harvard Law Degree won’t be worthless: it’s worth half a million dollars each, to the school. Plus you will receive a handsome diploma, suitable for framing, at no additional cost.\u00a0 Speak up, please, young lady, your question?\u00a0
How will you get a job if you don’t know anything?\u00a0 Oh, don’t worry about that.\u00a0 Big law firms will be falling all over themselves to hire a Black Woman like you.\u00a0 They desperately need to fill quotas for their HR departments.\u00a0 Moving on, yes, you there?<\/p>Well, now, I don’t know that I’d put it that way.\u00a0 Calling yourself a ‘token’ is so harsh. And besides, better to be a ‘token’ in a major firm than not working in a major firm at all, right?\u00a0 I mean, it’s no secret you’re an Affirmative Action graduate, they knew that the moment they laid eyes on you. In fact in your case, Duante, is it?\u00a0 They knew it when they received your resume, which is why your\u00a0resume rose to the top of the pile ahead of better qualified students named Chad or Tiffany, Yang or Levi. \u00a0<\/p>
I see so many hands, I think it’s time to end this introductory session so I can hand you off to your personal Diversity and Inclusion Deans, one for each student.\u00a0 They’ll help you feel good about yourselves and your role here in this historic class.\u00a0 Welcome to Harvard and remember: you are Special!”<\/p>
Joe Doakes<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Today’s satire is tomorrow’s journalism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And to the inevitable chirping “That’s racist” from the usual pack of pseudonymous progressive trolls: what do you call simultaneously piddling on academic merit and making race – absent all over context – a primary social determiner? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If it were in regard to sending people to prison rather than the finishing school for America’s “elite”, it’d be pretty unconscionable, wouldn’t it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Joe Doakes from Como Park emails: Transcript of remarks:“May I have your attention please?\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Welcome to your first day at Harvard Law School.\u00a0 As you may know, this year’s class is Special: there are no White students, no Asian students, certainly no Hispanics, only Black students, to make up for centuries of racist […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-78229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=78229"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78229\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":78232,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78229\/revisions\/78232"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=78229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=78229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=78229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}