{"id":66817,"date":"2018-05-16T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2018-05-16T16:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=66817"},"modified":"2018-05-13T17:45:48","modified_gmt":"2018-05-13T22:45:48","slug":"into-the-provinces","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=66817","title":{"rendered":"Into The Provinces"},"content":{"rendered":"

SCENE:\u00a0 DFL headquarters in Saint Paul.\u00a0 Behind a door with a sign labeled “Field Worker Training”, Avery\u00a0LIBRELLE is leading a group of DFL employees, including Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, Edmund DUCHEY, Gutterball GARY, Cat SCAT\u00a0 and about a dozen other activists being trained to start working for the DFL’s 2018 campaign season.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 OK, everyone.\u00a0 It’s been a good session.\u00a0 Can you recap the lessons so far?\u00a0 (Points to DUCHEY).\u00a0 Start?<\/p>\n

DUCHEY:\u00a0 Say whatever it takes, because none of our voters are going to check facts anyway.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Excellent.\u00a0 And… (points at GARY) you?<\/p>\n

GARY:\u00a0 We’re running against Trump!<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Because…?<\/p>\n

SCAT:\u00a0 He’s literally Hitler.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Good!\u00a0 \u00a0And…(to BIRKENSTOCK) You.<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 Tax hikes put people directly back to work for the children.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Outstanding.\u00a0 Now – each of you has an envelope in front of you.\u00a0 It’ll explain where you’re assigned for this campaign.<\/p>\n

(There is a mad rustling of papers as the trainees open the envelopes and take out their assignments<\/em>)<\/p>\n

DUCHEY:\u00a0 W00t!\u00a0 I got South Minneapolis!<\/p>\n

SCAT:\u00a0 I got Edina!<\/p>\n

GARY:\u00a0 I got Crocus Hill in Saint Paul!<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 (looking and sounding crestfallen<\/em>)\u00a0 I got…Marshall?<\/p>\n

(The other trainees visibly wince<\/em>)<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Do you have a problem with your assignment?<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 Well, for starters – where\u00a0is\u00a0<\/em>it?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 I have no idea.\u00a0 You’ll have to Google it.<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 But isn’t that way outstate?\u00a0 Where they…grow corn\u00a0<\/em>and stuff?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Could be.\u00a0 I didn’t make the assignments.\u00a0 They’re places where people…well, voted, I guess.<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 But they voted…Republlican.\u00a0 Right?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 They’re farmers, though.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \u00a0And the “F” in “DFL” means Farmers.<\/p>\n

GARY:\u00a0 Is that what it means?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 I guess.\u00a0 Anyway – Moonbeam, that’s your job.\u00a0 Do outreach in Marshall.<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 But there’s no DFLers there.\u00a0 \u00a0Who wijll I do outreach to?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Well, I have no idea.\u00a0 But good news!\u00a0 You\u00a0can\u00a0<\/em>pay people to talk to you<\/a>!<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 Ah.\u00a0 Problem solved!<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 It’s good to be Democrat!<\/p>\n

And SCENE<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE:\u00a0 DFL headquarters in Saint Paul.\u00a0 Behind a door with a sign labeled “Field Worker Training”, Avery\u00a0LIBRELLE is leading a group of DFL employees, including Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, Edmund DUCHEY, Gutterball GARY, Cat SCAT\u00a0 and about a dozen other activists being trained to start working for the DFL’s 2018 campaign season.\u00a0\u00a0 LIBRELLE:\u00a0 OK, everyone.\u00a0 It’s been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,320],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minnesota-politics","category-mndfl"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=66817"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66817\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":66818,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66817\/revisions\/66818"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=66817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=66817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=66817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}