{"id":64629,"date":"2017-09-26T11:00:12","date_gmt":"2017-09-26T16:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=64629"},"modified":"2017-09-26T21:52:32","modified_gmt":"2017-09-27T02:52:32","slug":"a-tale-of-two-knees","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=64629","title":{"rendered":"A Tale Of Two Knees"},"content":{"rendered":"

SCENE: \u00a0Mitch BERG walks into Sluggo’s, a sports bar on University [1]. \u00a0NFL games are on on six big-screen TVs around the room. \u00a0Around five, there are small, dilatory groups watching games. \u00a0Around one TV, though, there are a group of people crowded around; men in “Che Guevara” and “Don’t Park the Bus” t-shirts, a few younger women in similar attire, older women in “peasant” dresses. \u00a0 BERG recognizes several people from the group: \u00a0Avery LIBRELLE, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, Inge CARROLL, Edmund DUCHEY, Brian FURIOUS, Sol GALLIVAN, Gutterball GARY, Cat SCAT, Professor William KRIEPPI, Gretel STROMBERG, Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN and other liberal activism \/ alt-media \/ blogging mainstays.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0So…uh, hey. \u00a0Watching some Football?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE: \u00a0Yes, Merg. \u00a0It’s the American pastime!<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0(thinks about it, decides not to pursue the error<\/em>). \u00a0Huh. \u00a0So all of…(points at the crowd, who seem to be staring, uncomprehending, at the screen<\/em>)…you are football fans.<\/p>\n

DUCHEY: \u00a0My whole life. \u00a0While you’ve been writing “Sh*t in the Park” (some of the other gathered liberals snicker<\/em>) I’ve been watching the Vikings greats like Pele and Bill Havlicek.<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0Huh.<\/p>\n

(BERG looks, notices that the teams have not yet taken the field. \u00a0Suddenly, it dawns on him<\/em>).<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0So – you all remember Tim Tebow, right?<\/p>\n

(General incomprehension breaks out. \u00a0Then Gutterball GARY chimes in<\/em>).<\/p>\n

GARY: \u00a0He is the Christianist who took a knee before games.<\/p>\n

(General\u00a0hissssssssssssing\u00a0<\/em>breaks out from the crowd)<\/p>\n

CARROLL: \u00a0He hates women!<\/p>\n

STROMBERG (sotto voce<\/em>): \u00a0“womenandtheirchildren”<\/p>\n

CARROLL: \u00a0(sotto voce\u00a0<\/em>right back) \u00a0What, ,you think women are defined by their children?<\/p>\n

SCAT: \u00a0He was a racist, sexist, ableist, ageist, classist, Christianist… (trails off<\/em>)<\/p>\n

(CARROLL and STROMBERG continue to argue. \u00a0On the TV, the teams are coming out onto the field<\/em>)<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0So – Tim Tebow was all sorts of awful things because he exercised his First Amendment right to express his faith in public.<\/p>\n

(Generalized booing and hissing<\/em>).<\/p>\n

FURIOUS: \u00a0Everybody shut up. \u00a0It’s starting.<\/p>\n

SCAT: \u00a0 Oooh, I\u00a0love\u00a0<\/em>the suspense.<\/p>\n

(The national anthem starts. \u00a0The camera pans over dozens of player taking knees. \u00a0 FURIOUS and DUCHEY frantically note the names and numbers of players that remain standing. \u00a0 Cheers break out throughout the crowd)<\/em><\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0So – NFL players \u00a0who take a knee over “social justice causes”…<\/p>\n

TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0Heroes speaking truth to power.<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0While Tim Tebow…<\/p>\n

BIRKENSTOCK: \u00a0Racist sexist classist ableist cisgenderist Nazi who is literally Hitler.<\/p>\n

(Anthem finishes. \u00a0The entire crowd risers from their chairs and heads for the exits<\/em>)<\/p>\n

DUCHEY (to GARY<\/em>) Good game. \u00a0Good game.<\/p>\n

(Within seconds, the table is empty<\/em>. \u00a0 The WAITRESS comes over<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

WAITRESS: \u00a035 \u00a0people at a table, and I got six dollars in tips.<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0Wow. \u00a0They stiffed you pretty bad.<\/p>\n

WAITRESS: \u00a0Well, technically, kind of – they ordered about $100 worth of kombucha, artisanal tea and one “gluten free lite beer”, and the rest just had water.<\/p>\n

BERG: \u00a0You don’t even have kombucha or artisanal tea here, do you?<\/p>\n

WAITRESS: \u00a0I can’t hear you. Naaah naaah naaaah. \u00a0(Walks away<\/em>)<\/p>\n

(And SCENE<\/em>)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

[1] Any place names used in this post may be purely fictional<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE: \u00a0Mitch BERG walks into Sluggo’s, a sports bar on University [1]. \u00a0NFL games are on on six big-screen TVs around the room. \u00a0Around five, there are small, dilatory groups watching games. \u00a0Around one TV, though, there are a group of people crowded around; men in “Che Guevara” and “Don’t Park the Bus” t-shirts, a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[77,229],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-64629","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-rare-sports-post","category-third-rails","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64629","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=64629"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64629\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":64634,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64629\/revisions\/64634"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=64629"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=64629"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=64629"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}