{"id":56296,"date":"2015-11-27T06:00:10","date_gmt":"2015-11-27T12:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=56296"},"modified":"2015-11-26T11:02:51","modified_gmt":"2015-11-26T17:02:51","slug":"today-in-raqqah-syria","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=56296","title":{"rendered":"Today, In Raqqah, Syria"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>SCENE: \u00a0<em>Abu Bakr AL-BAGHDADI, leader of ISIS and self-proclaimed &#8220;caliph&#8221; of the new &#8220;Khelifa&#8221; or Caliphate, is in a conference with a group of his lieutenants, including Sheikh Abu Ali HABIB<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>AL-BAGHDADI: \u00a0Reports from the front look good. \u00a0We&#8217;re holding the Kurds, we&#8217;re gaining ground in Syria, and the Iraqis are folding like \u00a0a Salafist end-table.<\/p>\n<p>LIEUTENANTS: \u00a0Allahu Akbar!<\/p>\n<p>AL-BAGHDADI: \u00a0And the Great Satan is reacting as we expected; with dithering disguised as grand pronouncements.<\/p>\n<p>LIEUTENANTS: \u00a0Insh&#8217;allah!<\/p>\n<p>HABIB: \u00a0Caliph, I have some bad news.<\/p>\n<p>AL-BAGHDADI: \u00a0What is it, Sheikh?<\/p>\n<p>HABIB: \u00a0 Little Miss Satanette &#8211; President Obama (group snickers) is holding a&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>(HABIB pauses, catches breath)<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;.climate change conference.<\/p>\n<p>(<em>Entire group cringes in horror<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>AL-BAGHDADI: \u00a0That does it. \u00a0Let&#8217;s give up. \u00a0Find an evangelist; I&#8217;ll devote my life to Christ.<\/p>\n<p>(<em>Entire group pauses for a silent beat &#8211; then breaks into uproarious laughter<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p><em>And SCENE<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>SCENE: \u00a0Abu Bakr AL-BAGHDADI, leader of ISIS and self-proclaimed &#8220;caliph&#8221; of the new &#8220;Khelifa&#8221; or Caliphate, is in a conference with a group of his lieutenants, including Sheikh Abu Ali HABIB. AL-BAGHDADI: \u00a0Reports from the front look good. \u00a0We&#8217;re holding the Kurds, we&#8217;re gaining ground in Syria, and the Iraqis are folding like \u00a0a Salafist [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[64,9],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-56296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-president-obama","category-war-on-terror","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=56296"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56296\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56300,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56296\/revisions\/56300"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=56296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=56296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=56296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}