We’re about 18 months away from the next round of elections to the US House of Representatives.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I remembered that when I got this email from an anonymous source:<\/p>\n
Let’s talk about MN 4th District Representative Betty McCollum.<\/p>\n
“B-Cup Betty”, as she’s known to her smarter colleagues on Capitol Hill – which is,\u00a0let’s face it,\u00a0all of them\u00a0– is a product of Saint Catherine’s,\u00a0 a fifth-rate Catholic women’s college that seems to succeed only in teaching its graduates how to use that hot Catholic school girl uniform to get what they want.\u00a0 Which was, in fact, the only way she could get a job, much less a guy.<\/p>\n
McCollum, being too homely and brunette to get a job in entertainment or the media, not smart enough to get into law school and not masculine enough to land a women’s studies professorship, went into education.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She stank at it, of course –\u00a0the Saint Paul School District has a\u00a0sub-50% graduation rate, which sank while she was teaching, and has only fallen further since she’s been in Congress.<\/p>\n
Unable to finish the job she was given, McCollum manipulated the DFL’s gender-equity bylaws to get herself what is broadly regarded (by anonymous but reliable DFL sources) as an “affirmative action” nomination in a cakewalk district, the Fourth.\u00a0 “This was basically the political electoral equivalent of walking into a bar full of guys and saying “any of you big strong fellas wanna help me push my car?” and showing a little leg” said an anonymous source.\u00a0 And even at that, for two straight elections McCollum has shown neither the guts nor the brains to face any challengers in a debate, saying (in effect) “They might talk mean about me!\u00a0 They hate women!”.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“Of course <\/em>she wins in the Fourth” said an anonymous DFL source.\u00a0 “The DFL could endorse a pile of monkey poo and get 55% of the vote in the Fourth!\u00a0 Good lord, those people are all lobotomized union droogs!\u00a0 The real question isn’t “why did an inexperienced, not-so-bright, poorly-educated party hack win in the Fourth” so much as “is there another district where such a lightweight could <\/em>win any <\/em>office?\u00a0 I swear, if she didn’t have her gender going for her, she’d come in third for Water and Soil District Commissioner”.<\/p>\n
Anonymous sources say McCollum – who is anonymously known for being a strutting man-hating martinet – runs an office renowned for dubious ethics.\u00a0 Although specific charges have neither been filed nor prosecuted, anonymous sources say it’s just a matter of time.\u00a0 “McCollum shows all the signs of being an ethics disaster” said a source who asked not to be named, but is a higher-up in the DFL; “She’s female, she’s unqualified, ill-educated and dumb,\u00a0she’s a castrating\u00a0bitch – or so I’ve heard –\u00a0she’s Catholic, she’s of Irish descent, she’s been a union member, and she’s a woman in politics; you just know <\/em>she took every bit of swag that people left on the floor”.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“She’s dumb, poorly-educated, has no political background and was a failure as a teacher, she’s never run a race against serious competition, and she’t not even close <\/em>to hot”, the source continued, “and yet she’s a high-maintenance diva!”.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Well, I went and filed that piece in the “Stupid Hack Piece” drawer.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Along with this<\/a>.\u00a0 And this<\/a>.\u00a0 And this<\/a>.<\/p>\n
Because there’s just no room for corrosive, stupid sexism<\/em> in politics!\u00a0 Why, just because every single thing in the scabrous email above was identical to similar defamations of, say, Sarah Palin or Linda Chavez or Margaret Thatcher or Laura Ingraham or Michele Bachmann or…<\/p>\n
…um, where were we?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
UPDATE:\u00a0 For those of you who need a “Sanitized By Jon Stewart For Your Protection” label on your satire, or believe that only Steven Colbert has a license to practice satire – the “email” is indeed a fake.<\/p>\n
Well, at least as applied to Rep. McCollum.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We’re about 18 months away from the next round of elections to the US House of Representatives.\u00a0 I remembered that when I got this email from an anonymous source: Let’s talk about MN 4th District Representative Betty McCollum. “B-Cup Betty”, as she’s known to her smarter colleagues on Capitol Hill – which is,\u00a0let’s face it,\u00a0all […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[63,18,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5054","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lefty-alt-media","category-pc","category-liberal-tyranny"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5054","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5054"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5054\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22329,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5054\/revisions\/22329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5054"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5054"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5054"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}