{"id":42105,"date":"2014-02-26T12:15:32","date_gmt":"2014-02-26T18:15:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=42105"},"modified":"2014-02-26T12:38:11","modified_gmt":"2014-02-26T18:38:11","slug":"the-right-thing-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=42105","title":{"rendered":"Do The Right Thing"},"content":{"rendered":"

SCENE:\u00a0 Mitch BERG, accompanied by Joe TUCCI, Attorney at Law, and paralegal Lance PFLAU, steps out of a black Chevy Suburban and walks up to the Highland Park home of Avery LIBRELLE.\u00a0 BERG knocks on the door.\u00a0 Eventually, LIBRELLE answers.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Hey, Avery.\u00a0 Let’s go.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Huh?\u00a0 Where?<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0To the pistol range.\u00a0 We’re going to get you started shooting, and get you started on your carry permit.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0What?<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 It’s time you did the right thing.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0How is forcing me to pick up an instrument of violence “the right thing?”\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0Because it’s a right.\u00a0 We have the right to keep and bear arms. It’s very important to many of us, and until everyone is intellectually and socially assimilated into that right, the right is not safe.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0But…but, you can’t force me to exercise a right I disagree with, especially on moral grounds, like the gun thing!\u00a0 You can’t!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Of course I can!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Just like the gay couples who are sueing the bakers and photographers and florists who tried to opt out of rendering their services at same-sex weddings.\u00a0\u00a0 Rather than just let the Christians have their way and go find a gay-friendly baker or photographer or florist, they hauled them into court, at the cost of tens of thousands of dollars to both sides, not so much because they wanted to use their products, but to send a message to all of society; dissent from our orthodoxy will not be tolerated!\u00a0\u00a0 Just as they will be doing, shortly, somewhere or other, to some church somewhere or another in this country.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Pshaw!\u00a0 That’ll never happen.\u00a0 The First Amendment protects freedom of religion!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Right. Just like the Tenth Amendment trumps the Commerce Clause, the Fifth protects American citizens who end up on terror watch lists, the Fourth protects us from no-knock raids and property forfeiture, the Third keeps the police from throwing\u00a0you out of your house to set up a stakeout, the Second is protecting the people of Connecticut from gun confiscations, and the First protects, well, those bakers and photographers and florists.\u00a0 Rights are only\u00a0truly safe when everyone has been forced to comply with them.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0I refuse!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 I thought you might.\u00a0 Mr. Tucci?<\/p>\n

(TUCCI turns to PFLAU, who takes a document out of his briefcase)<\/em><\/p>\n

TUCCI:\u00a0 You’ve been served.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0What the… (Reads papers<\/em>) A lawsuit?<\/em><\/p>\n

TUCCI:\u00a0 Yep.\u00a0 To compel you to come shooting, get a carry permit, and support the Second Amendment as incorporated upon the states by the Supreme Court\u00a0in McDonald Vs. Chicago<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0That’s BS!\u00a0 That’ll never fly in court!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0\u00a0 Perhaps.\u00a0 But it’ll cost you\u00a0thousands and thousands of dollars\u00a0to retain an attorney to litigate the case, even if it’s dismissed on summary judgment.\u00a0\u00a0 Heck, even if you go pro se<\/em>, you’re going to eat up a lot of time.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Look, you’re arguing a false equivalence.\u00a0 Business are subject to public accomodations laws!\u00a0 They have to serve the reasonable demands of their customers!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0Ah.\u00a0 So when I walk into a halal <\/em>market and demand pork chops, they can’t refuse?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Huh?\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Pork is trayf <\/em>under halal.\u00a0 <\/em>They won’t even touch the stuff.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Well, you <\/em>can’t.\u00a0 You’re not a memeber of a protected class.<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 What now?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Under public accomodations law, merchants can not refuse service on the basis of race,\u00a0gender or sexual orientation!\u00a0 You’re a straight white male, so you have no race, gender or orientation!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Ah.\u00a0 So the rights of gay <\/em>people trump the rights of religious people to act according their consciences.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Right!\u00a0 Gays were born that way!\u00a0 You can’t refuse to serve people based on conditions they were born with.\u00a0 Religion is chosen!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 So the rights of people who were born some way trump the rights of people who choose something.<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Sure!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Well, our rights are endowed to us by our creators, so I was born with the right to keep and bear arms.\u00a0 And so were you.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 That’s really <\/em>stretchy, Merg!<\/p>\n

TUCCI:\u00a0 We can sort that out in court, Mis… (looks to BERG and PFLAU, both of whom shrug<\/em>) …um,\u00a0Avery.\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 So some peoples’ rights are <\/em>more important than other peoples’s rights?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0\u00a0 Why should I be forced to associate with people that I morally disagree with?<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Wait – so you embrace the ideal of “free association”…<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Yes!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 …unless the law says you have <\/em>to associate with them?<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 We can’t have discrimination!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0\u00a0 Hm. OK.\u00a0 Mr. Tucci?<\/p>\n

TUCCI:\u00a0 Mr. Pflau?<\/p>\n

PFLAU:\u00a0 I am gay.\u00a0 I demand you come to the range.\u00a0<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0 You’re gay?<\/p>\n

PFLAU:\u00a0 Well, I’m a little curious. And addicted to Glee<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

(LIBRELLE stands, holding papers, slowly deflating<\/em>)<\/p>\n

TUCCI:\u00a0 May I remind you; No h8.\u00a0<\/p>\n

(An air of resignation visitly wafts over LIBRELLE<\/em>)<\/p>\n

LIBRELLE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0OK.\u00a0 Got me there.\u00a0<\/p>\n

(The four walk down to the street and bundle LIBRELLE into the Suburban.\u00a0 In the back seat sit Professor William G. KRIEPPI and blogger Edmund DUCHEY, morosely wearing “NRA” hats and maroon GOCRA shirts)<\/em><\/p>\n

LIBRELLE (to KRIEPPI and DUCHEY):\u00a0 They got you too?\u00a0<\/p>\n

(The other two sullenly nod as the Suburban departs for Burnsville Pistol Range, Warren Zevon’s “Lawyers, Guns and Money” playing loudly on the car stereo<\/em>).<\/p>\n

(And SCENE<\/em>).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE:\u00a0 Mitch BERG, accompanied by Joe TUCCI, Attorney at Law, and paralegal Lance PFLAU, steps out of a black Chevy Suburban and walks up to the Highland Park home of Avery LIBRELLE.\u00a0 BERG knocks on the door.\u00a0 Eventually, LIBRELLE answers.\u00a0 BERG:\u00a0 Hey, Avery.\u00a0 Let’s go.\u00a0 LIBRELLE:\u00a0 \u00a0Huh?\u00a0 Where? BERG:\u00a0To the pistol range.\u00a0 We’re going to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-42105","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-war","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42105","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=42105"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42105\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42109,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42105\/revisions\/42109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=42105"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=42105"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=42105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}