{"id":41666,"date":"2014-02-07T12:15:21","date_gmt":"2014-02-07T18:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=41666"},"modified":"2014-02-07T12:29:24","modified_gmt":"2014-02-07T18:29:24","slug":"the-administrators-who-say-ni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=41666","title":{"rendered":"The Administrators Who Say “Ni”"},"content":{"rendered":"

SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking through a leafy, green park in the south suburbs of Chicago.<\/em><\/p>\n

Turning a corner, he runs into three Chicago-area school administators:\u00a0 Hanna PFLUG-NICHOLS,\u00a0Nicole PRYMM, and Morghaine EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS.\u00a0 They are standing astride the path<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 You are Mitch Berg.\u00a0 You are one of those gun nuts.\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG: Er, I’m a Second Amendment activist.\u00a0 I may or may not own or carry a firearm…<\/p>\n

ALL THREE WOMEN:\u00a0 Aaaaaaaagh!<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 Don’t say it!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Say what?<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS: That word!<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 The “G” or “F” or “P” word.<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Er…”gun?”<\/p>\n

ALL THREE WOMEN:\u00a0 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Why do you hate womynandchyldren?<\/p>\n

BERG: Er, I’m sorry – but what brought this on?<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0Um – because of the change in what we call “concealed killer” laws, we are being forced to put stickers on our schools.\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 You mean like this sticker here?:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

ALL THREE WOMEN:\u00a0Aaaaaaaaagh!<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 That…shape<\/em>!<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 It looks like a Pop-tart!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Those are stickers that your new concealed carry law requires buildings to have at their entrances if it’s illegal to carry inside.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 It’s disgusting.\u00a0 To have theshapeof a…<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 …a…<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS: …er…<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Gun?<\/p>\n

ALL THREE WOMEN:\u00a0 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!<\/em><\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0\u00a0 Look – Illinois put so many places off-limits to gun owners that it’s only fair that you warn them before they unwittingly become a felon.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 But theyshouldbe felons!<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 I think they should all be in jail\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Be that as it may, they are two orders of magnitude more law-abiding than the general public, and they generally work pretty hard to stay that way.\u00a0 So why entrap them into a cheap arrest based on a technicality?<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Because I hate them.<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 It’s a warning sticker.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 But it may cause people to think that since there’s a sticker saying that they can’t bring one into the school now, maybe they could have in the past<\/a>?\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 You honestly expect school children to think that?\u00a0<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 We expect what <\/em>to think that?<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Those little pseudo-people that are all over all our buildings.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 Huh.\u00a0 Are you sure?\u00a0<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Look – you are less likely to be wrongfully shot by a carry permit holder than you are to be hit by lightning.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 By what?\u00a0<\/p>\n

EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Goddess-farts.<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 Ah.\u00a0<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 As in, 5-6 times as likely to be hit by, er, “goddess farts” as by a law-abiding citizen with a legal firearm (flinches, realizing his mistake)<\/p>\n

ALL THREE WOMEN:\u00a0Aaaaaaaaaagh!<\/p>\n

BERG:\u00a0 Sorry….hey, I’m hungry…<\/p>\n

(Pulls pop-tart from backpack.\u00a0 Chews it into the shape of a volume of Shakespeare.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PFLUG-NICHOLS:\u00a0 Dead white European male!<\/p>\n

PRYMM:\u00a0 Fascist!<\/p>\n

(And SCENE).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking through a leafy, green park in the south suburbs of Chicago. Turning a corner, he runs into three Chicago-area school administators:\u00a0 Hanna PFLUG-NICHOLS,\u00a0Nicole PRYMM, and Morghaine EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS.\u00a0 They are standing astride the path.\u00a0 EFFENBERGER-BRONKOWSKI-GAIA-BEVINS:\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 You are Mitch Berg.\u00a0 You are one of those gun nuts.\u00a0 BERG: Er, I’m a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,22],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-41666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gun-free-zones","category-victim-disarmament","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41666","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41666"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41666\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41686,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41666\/revisions\/41686"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41666"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41666"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41666"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}