{"id":378,"date":"2007-01-25T16:29:57","date_gmt":"2007-01-25T22:29:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php\/2007\/01\/25\/jb-doubtlesss-new-years-resolutions-list\/"},"modified":"2007-06-26T09:13:43","modified_gmt":"2007-06-26T15:13:43","slug":"jb-doubtlesss-new-years-resolutions-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=378","title":{"rendered":"JB Doubtless&#8217;s New Years Resolutions List"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>JB, that jolly joker, took a <a href=\"http:\/\/nihlist.blogspot.com\/2007\/01\/top-11-other-personal-goals-of-mitch.html\">zinger<\/a> at me!<\/p>\n<p>Hahahaha!<\/p>\n<p>Well, we all have fun with these little internecine ribfests. Let&#8217;s see how this works:<\/p>\n<p>JB Doubtless&#8217; Resolutions:<\/p>\n<p>13. Absorb the fact that Bruce Springsteen makes $20 million a year, while I get the occasional sixpack for playing bass at the Clodhopper Lounge in La Crescent; therefore, my opinion is worth nothing compared to his.<\/p>\n<p>12. Figure if Joe Carter&#8217;s farts smell like petunia or hyacinth.<\/p>\n<p>11. Kill me some of those damn Huguenots!<\/p>\n<p>10. Once and for all, supress his history as a latte-drinking Boston fern-bar denizen who told the birkenstock-clad babes that he really DID dig the Indigo Girls, before word gets out!<\/p>\n<p>9. Hit a layup before Berg does.<\/p>\n<p>8. Find the &#8220;cool&#8221; kids who used to swipe his lunch money, and exact revenge, thus putting his lifelong demon to rest.<\/p>\n<p>7. Commune with his long-lost soul brother, Jeff Fecke.<\/p>\n<p>6. Get those dang Larry the Cable Guy tickets!<\/p>\n<p>5. Find another big-dollar scotch brand name to drop.<\/p>\n<p>4. Eradicate the last traces of book-larnin&#8217; from St. Thomas-trained vocabulary, pass self off as down-home working-class hero.<\/p>\n<p>3. Stare out window late at night, nurturing the inner child as he wonders if there&#8217;s something missing.<\/p>\n<p>2. Find therapist, work out long-standing resentments against Elder. And everyone.<\/p>\n<p>1. Pull head from Vox Day&#8217;s butt.<\/p>\n<p>Informed sources tell me he&#8217;s already got three of &#8217;em done!<\/p>\n<p>Oy. Haven&#8217;t had this much fun since sixth grade.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m off to learn the bouzouki. That&#8217;ll be 25 and counting, baby!<\/p>\n<p>(Note to JB: &#8220;Bouzouki&#8221; isn&#8217;t an anti-tank weapon. <em>Or is it?<\/em>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>JB, that jolly joker, took a zinger at me! Hahahaha! Well, we all have fun with these little internecine ribfests. Let&#8217;s see how this works: JB Doubtless&#8217; Resolutions: 13. Absorb the fact that Bruce Springsteen makes $20 million a year, while I get the occasional sixpack for playing bass at the Clodhopper Lounge in La [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blogs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=378"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/378\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}