{"id":3730,"date":"2008-12-02T10:00:50","date_gmt":"2008-12-02T15:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=3730"},"modified":"2008-12-02T07:12:53","modified_gmt":"2008-12-02T12:12:53","slug":"hey-rocky-watch-me-pull-a-rabbit-out-of-my-hat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=3730","title":{"rendered":"Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out Of My Hat!"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Occupier of the Office of The President-Elect Barry Oprah<\/a> reveals his National Suckurity Team, which of course includes Mrs. Bill Clinton, a fervent rival who roundly criticized The President-Defect during the primaries, but now: BFF!<\/p>\n

Mr. Obama essentially said<\/a> Americans should not take too seriously some of the things said during \u201cthe heat of a campaign.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Really, Mr. Oprah, sir? It will be quite interesting to see just exactly how far you get with that ticket once you step into the Oval Office and find out how utterly\u00a0unprepared you are for the job (and that it’s a smoke-free workplace), and start doing the math on all the promises you made to win the White House for the people who’d been waiting for you to be the people for whom they were waiting.<\/p>\n

Some examples<\/a> I think you’ll have an unfunny\u00a0challenge with:<\/p>\n

    \n
      \n
    1. Give a tax break to 95% of Americans (better hurry up, you don’t want to piss off 95% of Americans – especially those clinging to their guns)<\/li>\n
    2. “If you make under $250,000, you will not see your taxes increase by a single dime. Not your income taxes, not your payroll taxes, not your capital gains taxes. Nothing.” (“Read My Lips?” I wonder how he will be\u00a0paying for the expanded child and dependent care tax credit, the expanded earned income tax credit, the universal mortgage credit, the $1,000 emergency energy rebate to families, weatherizing 1 million homes annually, and lowering health care costs for the typical family by $2,500 a year?)<\/li>\n
    3. Dramatically simplify tax filings so that millions of Americans will be able to do their taxes in less than five minutes (a lot of people that voted for Obama think tax returns are actually grant applications; why bother with filing? Let’s just give them all\u00a0government debit cards)<\/li>\n
    4. Match 50% of retirement savings up to $1,000 for families earning less than $75,000 (because saving for your retirement shouldn’t be so hard, or even your own responsibility – behold, the C.R.A. of the retirement industry)<\/li>\n
    5. Give American businesses a $3,000 tax credit for every job they create in the U.S. (unless they make more than $250,000<\/strike> $150,000<\/strike> $100,000<\/strike> $75,000)<\/li>\n
    6. Make employers offer seven paid sick days per year (Mr. Carter sir, can we just combine #5 and #6? Why don’t you just give the $3000 directly to the sickly so\u00a0we don’t have to hire him; and why stop at seven? Seems so arbitrary. Besides, work is hard. People should have the right to work, or not work)<\/li>\n
    7. Sign into law an employee free choice act \u2014 aka card check \u2014 to make it easier for unions to organize (that way once the Unions are done destroying the airline and automotive industries they can move on to retail, hospitality, and health care)<\/li>\n
    8. Cut spending on unproven missile defense systems (Let’s wait until a missile destroys New York City)<\/li>\n
    9. Demand higher standards and more accountability from our teachers (best wait until your second term for that one – let ’em all vote for you one more time first)<\/li>\n
    10. Go through the budget, line by line, ending programs we don’t need (like the military?)\u00a0and making the ones we do need (like the pork in Illinois, only bigger and better, Senator?)\u00a0work better and cost less<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/ol>\n

      Just put the budget up on a teleprompter. He won’t Change anything, but at least some of us will feel<\/em> better about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      The Occupier of the Office of The President-Elect Barry Oprah reveals his National Suckurity Team, which of course includes Mrs. Bill Clinton, a fervent rival who roundly criticized The President-Defect during the primaries, but now: BFF! Mr. Obama essentially said Americans should not take too seriously some of the things said during \u201cthe heat of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":228,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,58,64,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-campaign-08","category-humor","category-president-obama","category-liberal-tyranny"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/228"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3730"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}