{"id":36417,"date":"2013-05-22T12:00:31","date_gmt":"2013-05-22T17:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=36417"},"modified":"2013-08-01T14:28:05","modified_gmt":"2013-08-01T19:28:05","slug":"a-night-to-remember","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=36417","title":{"rendered":"A Night To Remember"},"content":{"rendered":"

SCENE: \u00a0It’s May of 1912 – a few weeks after the sinking of the SS Titanic\u00a0captured the world’s headlines. \u00a0Scene fades in on the SS\u00a0Metaphoric – a steamship billed as “The Next Best Thing To The Titanic!” – plowing through the icy North Atlantic. \u00a0It’s a dark, chilly evening, with the light from a few stars illuminating the occasional glint of ice on the horizon.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

CUT TO the First Class passenger lounge. \u00a0A group of passengers – Garth Muller, Ludwig von Nicholaus, Joe Smith and Otto Klarinette – are drinking and discussing the affairs of the day.<\/em><\/p>\n

CUT TO deck. \u00a0Zoom in to crow’s nest, where the lookout, a plucky cockney named Tim Shaw, reacts with alarm to an oncoming apparition. \u00a0He picks up a phone.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>SHAW: \u00a0“Iceberg! \u00a0Right ahead!<\/p>\n

CUT TO Bridge. \u00a0Captain O. B. Barry, who was appointed Captain five years earlier after serving on cruise line’s board of directors for two years, picks up the phone.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

BARRY: Let me be clear. \u00a0It’s OK. \u00a0We’re too big to sink. \u00a0And we inherited our charts from the previous captain!<\/p>\n

SCENE: \u00a0Ship plows into iceberg. \u00a0Montage of scenes of flooding below decks. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0What was that?<\/p>\n

BARTENDER: \u00a0I think we hit an iceberg, sir.<\/p>\n

MULLER: \u00a0Haw haw haw! \u00a0Time to cash it in! \u00a0This boat’s gonna sink! \u00a0We’re all doomed!<\/p>\n

SMITH: \u00a0Um, hang on, guys; this room is crawling with wood tables, veneer, kegs, things that we can make float. \u00a0There’s a spool of rope on the deck outside…<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0Nope! \u00a0It’s gonna sink!<\/p>\n

KLARINETTE: \u00a0Of course, since the cruise line is a corporation, falsely given a human-like existence to protect the banksters, nobody will be held responsible for it!<\/p>\n

MULLER: \u00a0Who cares! \u00a0We’re going down! \u00a0Bartender, pour me another one! \u00a0Everyone’s gonna die!<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0It’s like we were taught back in Vienna…<\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>\u00a0hauls empty tables out to promenade deck outside, slashes rope into 12 foot lengths and starts lashing tables together. \u00a0BARTENDER starts frantically opening the beer taps, letting beer and soft drink kegs empty into the drains. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

KLARINETTE: they’re calling “women and children first!”<\/p>\n

MULLER: Pfft. \u00a0The way this line was run, they’re better off dead anyway<\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>\u00a0and BARTENDER wrestle empty beverage kegs into place and lash them below te tables, effecting a crude but effective floatation device.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0If only the cruise line board of directors had listened to us!<\/p>\n

KLARINETTE: We warned them!<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: At the 1908 Cruise Line board meeting! \u00a0 “Don’t ram icebergs!”, we said. \u00a0And they shouted us down!<\/p>\n

MULLER: Well, this’ll show them!<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0all these sheeple have it coming! \u00a0They could have supported us. \u00a0 They deserve what they get!<\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>\u00a0and the BARTENDER attach a rope rail around the upturned table legs. \u00a0SHAW moves a small kitchen grill onto the raft, and starts cooking hot hogs. \u00a0 The BAND starts playing “Nearer My God To Thee”.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

KLARINETTE: \u00a0(Watching crowds racing for lifeboat) Stupid short-sighted sheeple.<\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>\u00a0and the BARTENDER start waving women and children aboard the the raft. \u00a0As the water laps up to the edge of the raft, they beckon the band aboard. \u00a0They start playing “We Are The Champions” \u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>: (as water floats the raft and starts to flow into the bar) Guys! Raft!<\/p>\n

MULLER: Haven’t you heard? The ship is sinking. Belly up, the worlds come to and end!<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: we’re all gonna die.<\/p>\n

KLARINETTE: because the sheeple didn’t listen to us.<\/p>\n

MULLER: \u00a0we’ve all for it coming.<\/p>\n

SMITH<\/span>: No, listen – the raft. \u00a0It floats!<\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: \u00a0 What? \u00a0When I could be on a ship?<\/p>\n

CAPTAIN BARRY (over the loudspeaker): Remember; it’s the previous captain’s fault, and you didn’t build or launch those lifeboats.<\/p>\n

(Raft crowded with passengers \u00a0floats free and paddles over to lifeboats as ship slips beneath the waves.)<\/em><\/p>\n

VON NICHOLAUS: Stupid sheeple! We told you so!<\/p>\n

(And SCENE)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE: \u00a0It’s May of 1912 – a few weeks after the sinking of the SS Titanic\u00a0captured the world’s headlines. \u00a0Scene fades in on the SS\u00a0Metaphoric – a steamship billed as “The Next Best Thing To The Titanic!” – plowing through the icy North Atlantic. \u00a0It’s a dark, chilly evening, with the light from a few […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-36417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-western-civilization","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36417"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36417\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37665,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36417\/revisions\/37665"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}