SCENE: \u00a0MITCH is out for drinks with his old friends Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, meme-buffer for the Alliance for a Better Minnesota, and Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, spokesbeing for Citizens4Luv, a left-leaning non-profit, and Avery LIBRELLE, progressive activist without opr.<\/p>\n
CARROLL: (With three empty Mojito glasses and a full one in front of her) We need to do something about school massacres.<\/p>\n
BIRKENSTOCK: \u00a0Yes (he says, fanning face with a folded piece of campaign literature), we have to dooooooooooooooo something.<\/p>\n
LIBRELLE: \u00a0Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo something!<\/p>\n
MITCH: Well, yeah, but “we have to do something” has been the motivation for an endless cavalcade of stupidity leading to a boundless trove of misery over the years. \u00a0And let’s be honest; violent crime has been plummeting, and law-abiding gun owners are vastly less likely to commit any<\/em> kind of crime than the general public.<\/p>\n LIBRELLE: Don’t bother us with details. \u00a0We have to ban large AR15 clip bullets and assault handguns!<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: Yes!<\/p>\n MITCH: \u00a0Right, right, got that. \u00a0So – what do you think about teachers?<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: They are the absolute salt of the earth.<\/p>\n MITCH: Elaborate please?<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: They are not mere professionals. \u00a0They are like clergy, drawn to a higher calling, imparting knowledge and skills and good citizenship to our next generation.<\/p>\n CARROLL: That’s right. Teachers are a noble lot, a breed apart, drawn to an often thankless calling, working for 30 year careers at mere middle-class wages before retiring in their mid-fifties, doing one of the most put-upon jobs there is; trying to turn the illiterate children of Minnesota’s stupid and ignorant parents – who are the real problem with our education system – into good citizens.<\/p>\n LIBRELLE: \u00a0Hear hear.<\/p>\n MITCH: So all those stories about teachers who diddle their students…<\/p>\n CARROLL: \u00a0Oh, for crying out loud. That’s a teeeensy, tiny minority…<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: …an almost insignificantly tiny one at that…<\/p>\n CARROLL: …of people in the profession.<\/p>\n MITCH: Right. So we shouldn’t tar and feather a larger, generally responsible group because of the misdeeds of a relatively small group of miscreants?<\/p>\n CARROLL: That would be the depth of stupidity.<\/p>\n LIBRELLE: \u00a0No kidding. \u00a0Bigot.<\/p>\n MITCH: Gotcha. \u00a0So – just to sum up; teachers are, statistically, good people, utterly trustworthy to be watching over your children?<\/p>\n CARROLL: Absolutely.<\/p>\n LIBRELLE: Unimpeachable.<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: Beyond a doubt.<\/p>\n MITCH: \u00a0 Good. \u00a0So – what do you think about South Dakota’s decision to allow teachers with carry permits, who’ve passed background checks and skills tests and are, thus, statistically 2-3 orders of magnitude safer than the general public, to carry their concealed firearms at school, in the interest of defending their charges from unforeseen violent crime?<\/p>\n CARROLL: \u00a0That’s just crazy!<\/p>\n BIRKENSTOCK: Teachers aren’t competent to do that.<\/p>\n LIBRELLE: \u00a0If you let teachers carry guns, someday a teacher will shoot a classroom full of their kids!<\/p>\n CARROLL: Teachers just can’t be trusted with that kind of power.<\/p>\n MITCH: I see.<\/p>\n (And SCENE)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SCENE: \u00a0MITCH is out for drinks with his old friends Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, meme-buffer for the Alliance for a Better Minnesota, and Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, spokesbeing for Citizens4Luv, a left-leaning non-profit, and Avery LIBRELLE, progressive activist without opr. CARROLL: (With three empty Mojito glasses and a full one in front of her) We need to do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[115,236],"class_list":["post-35227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-victim-disarmament","tag-abm","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35227"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35227\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47897,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35227\/revisions\/47897"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}