SCENE: at the Twin Cities Liberal Blogger Collective, located in a secret chamber below the 331 Club in Northeast Minneapolis.<\/p>\n
Liberal bloggers Cat SCAT, Derek ROSTON, Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN, GUTTERBALL Gary, and Senior Blogger Randy POSTAL are plotting out their next days coverage, along with cartoonist Kevin LIVERWURST.<\/p>\n
POSTAL: \u00a0All right. \u00a0Let’s start working on today’s coverage. \u00a0What’s first?<\/p>\n
TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0 Republicans are complaining about the Dayton tax plan. \u00a0My headline is “Republicans complain about Dayton tax plan”.<\/p>\n
ROSTON: I’d go with “Republicans: \u00a0Tax Plan Is So\u00a0<\/em>Unfair!”<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Hm. \u00a0Doesn’t exactly zing. \u00a0New headline…I got it! \u00a0“Republicans Pee Pants Over Tax Fairness!”<\/p>\n (Rest of bloggers chortles with glee as TORSTENGAARDSEN types).<\/p>\n SCAT: How about Glen Gruenhagen’s remarks about gays?<\/p>\n (The rest of the bloggers “hiss”).<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0“GOP Legislator is Cray Cray”<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Hm. \u00a0Close. \u00a0Very close. \u00a0It needs just a little more…savoir faire<\/em>. \u00a0Hm. \u00a0I got it! \u00a0“GOP Legislator Pees Pants Learning Gays Love Each Other, Is Cray Cray!”<\/p>\n (Bloggers chortle with glee).<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0I’ve got one: “Did Michele Bachmann Take Money From The Gambinos?”<\/p>\n SCAT: \u00a0Well, did she?<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0We’re just asking questions, here.<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0Forget the Gambinos; how about Bradlee Dean!<\/p>\n GUTTERBALL: \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah!<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0OK, I’ve got it: “Republicans Pee Pants Wondering If Bachmann Took Money From Dean!”<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0Perfect!<\/em><\/p>\n SCAT: \u00a0But do you have any proof that Bachmann\u00a0did\u00a0<\/em>take money from Dean?<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0It’s out on Google somewhere!<\/p>\n SCAT: \u00a0Good enough!<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0 OK, up next: “Republicans Oppose Daycare Union”.<\/p>\n ROSTON: \u00a0“Republicans Have A Cow Over Fairness!”<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: “Have a Cow” is so 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010.<\/p>\n GUTTERBALL: \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah!<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Hmm. \u00a0Good ideas, but neither exactly roll off the tongue. \u00a0How about…<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0Wait – “Republicans Pee Pants At Idea Daycare Providers Have Rights”?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Er…yes<\/em>! \u00a0Perfect! \u00a0You’re catching on!<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0Betty! \u00a0You cracked the code!<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0Well…yeah. \u00a0To be honest, it’s not that complicated.<\/p>\n GUTTERBALL: \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah!<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0What do you mean?<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: Well…there’s been a bit of a theme…<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0I know. \u00a0I’m all about consistency!<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0OK, how about this one: \u00a0“Did Kurt Zellers support Personal Rail Transit?”<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0Again – just asking questions.<\/p>\n SCAT: \u00a0I’ll find a google link proving it.<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0Excellent. \u00a0Let’s call it “Zellers Pees Pants At Cray Cray Scooter Train”<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0No – we’re asking questions. \u00a0“DID Zellers Pee His Pants…”<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: “…Over Cray Cray Scooter Train!”<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0That…is…PERFECT<\/em>!<\/p>\n (Fellow liberal blogger Adam KRNNZZ, wearing a Beefeater-style uniform, walks down the stairs, and announces…):<\/p>\n KRNNZZ: \u00a0All rise for Miss MESSINGER!<\/p>\n (Trumpeters play fanfare as Alida MESSINGER descends the stairs. \u00a0Inge “Lucky” CARROLL hovers behind her, holding a clipboard. \u00a0Senator Tom BAKK, Speaker of the House Paul THISSEN, Representatives John LESCH and Ryan WINKLER and Michael PAYMAR walk behind, looking meekly subservient. \u00a0The bloggers all get on one knee on the floor by the table).<\/p>\n (MESSINGER reaches the bottom of the stairs).<\/p>\n CARROLL: (looks at BAKK, clears throat)<\/p>\n (BAKK, THISSEN, WINKLER, LESCH and PAYMAR race in front of MESSINGER, lie down on floor. \u00a0MESSINGER steps cross them to the table, sits at large oaken chair at the table’s head. \u00a0CARROLL steps up behind her as the legislators rise and dust themselves off).<\/p>\n MESSINGER: \u00a0How goes the campaign?<\/p>\n POSTAL: (clears throat) \u00a0Er, it’s going well, ma’am. \u00a0 We’ve found a theme we think will resonate with our target demographic.<\/p>\n MESSINGER: \u00a0Excellent.<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Our big question is “will the media pick up on it?”<\/p>\n MESSINGER: \u00a0Oh, the media will pick up on it. \u00a0(Laughs with a Vader-like foreboding). \u00a0They\u00a0will\u00a0<\/em>pick up on it.<\/p>\n (CARROLL chuckles menacingly on cue. \u00a0The legislators quickly follow suit).<\/p>\n LIVERWURST: \u00a0Also, I photoshopped Michele Bachmann’s head onto the body of the mom from “Honey Boo Boo”.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n MESSINGER: (Looks at photo, then looks at CARROLL) City Pages?<\/p>\n CARROLL: \u00a0Thy word is law, my mistress.<\/p>\n GUTTERBALL: \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah… (stops abruptly as CARROLL glares at him).<\/p>\n MESSINGER: \u00a0Excellent. \u00a0(She rises. \u00a0The\u00a0Legislators\u00a0throw themselves on the floor, and MESSINGER steps across to the stairs). \u00a0Keep up the good work!<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Thy word is law, my mistress!<\/p>\n MESSINGER (as she disappears up the stairs, leading CARROLL and the legislators) You’re damn right it is!<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0Well, who else is feeling inspired!<\/p>\n GUTTERBALL: \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah! \u00a0Yeah!<\/p>\n TORSTENGAARDSEN: \u00a0 I’m so fired up I could just…<\/p>\n POSTAL: \u00a0…pee your pants?<\/p>\n (All break up laughing, go back to work).<\/p>\n (And SCENE)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SCENE: at the Twin Cities Liberal Blogger Collective, located in a secret chamber below the 331 Club in Northeast Minneapolis. Liberal bloggers Cat SCAT, Derek ROSTON, Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN, GUTTERBALL Gary, and Senior Blogger Randy POSTAL are plotting out their next days coverage, along with cartoonist Kevin LIVERWURST. POSTAL: \u00a0All right. \u00a0Let’s start working on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[236,213],"class_list":["post-34694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lefty-alt-media","tag-dramatization","tag-winkler"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=34694"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34739,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34694\/revisions\/34739"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=34694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=34694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=34694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}