I’ve finally followed through on my dream of writing an episode for a major TV drama.<\/p>\n
In this case, it’s “Criminal Minds”, the long-running CBS police procedural about a group \u00a0of FBI criminal profilers who track mass-murderers.<\/p>\n
I hope to hear back from CBS soon.<\/p>\n
———-<\/p>\n
SCENE: \u00a0A Gulfstream G4, silhouetted against a gorgeous sunset, winging its way southwest. \u00a0The voice of Special Agent Aaron HOTCHNER narrates in voiceover:<\/p>\n
HOTCHNER: “Kurt Cobain wrote “Load up on guns, bring your friends. It’s fun to lose and to pretend<\/em>“.<\/p>\n (Dissolve to interior of aircraft. \u00a0Agends HOTCHNER, REID, JAREAU, PRENTISS, MORGAN and ROSSI are sitting around a well-appointed table. ROSSI sips at a snifter of brandy.<\/p>\n MORGAN (The handsome and \u00fcber-buff\u00a0Afro-American agent who, notwithstanding the FBI’s dress code, is never not\u00a0<\/em>seen wearing form-fitting sports attire): Lincoln, Nebraska police report two waitresses sexually assaulted, stabbed and strangled.<\/p>\n REID (the nerdy brainiac prodigy): \u00a0Sounds like a classic sexual sadist spree killer…<\/p>\n PRENTISS (the flinty raven-haired brunette with the enigmatic past): …with serious mommy issues.<\/p>\n HOTCHNER (The strung-too-tight leader who looks like “Greg” from “Dharma and Greg”): \u00a0Police say he turned up in their apartments with no sign of forced entry.<\/p>\n JAREAU (the blond eye-candy): So the vics\u00a0let\u00a0<\/em>the unsub in.<\/p>\n ROSSI (the erudite sixty-something pioneer of the trade and oenophile): The unsub is almost certainly a white male, twenties through forties, victim of sexual abuse as a child…<\/p>\n PRENTISS: \u00a0Probably abandonment, too…<\/p>\n ROSSI: …right, and probably socially-accomplished, in great physical condition – most likely very vain, a bodybuilder type…<\/p>\n REID: …a real “lady-killer” if you pardon the term.<\/p>\n (MORGAN, JAREAU, ROSSI and PRENTISS grimace) REID: \u00a0The same basic MO that Ted Bundy used.<\/p>\n PRENTISS: \u00a0Every woman in Lincoln is a target.<\/p>\n JAREAU: \u00a0I’ll get a statement out to the media as soon as we land.<\/p>\n HOTCHNER: \u00a0Do we have anything else? \u00a0What are the Lincoln PD doing?<\/p>\n MORGAN: Tasing people who refuse to comply.<\/p>\n HOTCHNER: Well, it’s all we got.<\/p>\n PRENTISS: \u00a0And today’s Friday.<\/p>\n REID: \u00a0That means he could be striking again even as we speak<\/em>.<\/p>\n (Agends furrow brows)<\/p>\n (Cell phone goes off in MORGAN’s pocket).<\/p>\n MORGAN (looks at phone). \u00a0It’s Garcia. \u00a0I’ll put you on speaker, Princess.<\/p>\n (MORGAN sets phone on table. \u00a0Notwithstanding that the G4 is cruising at 40,000 at 500 knots, the phone has and maintains four bars of signal reception, enough to get clear, skitter-free video of FBI HOTCHNER: Go ahead, Garcia.<\/p>\n GARCIA: \u00a0Yo, yo yo, ma izzagents. \u00a0Here’s what we have so far. \u00a0Victims are 22 year old Danielle Larson, worked at a Perkins in Lincoln, and 21 year old Cathy Profett (Photos pop up on screen, superimposed alongside Garcia), who worked at a truckstop off the interstate.<\/p>\n PRENTISS: Both blond, high school grads, working their way through community college – Larson for nursing, Profett for tool and die fabrication. \u00a0You got the causes of death – both identical.<\/p>\n MORGAN: \u00a0What are their financials?<\/p>\n GARCIA: Already on it! \u00a0(Spreadsheets swirl across screen to superimpose over photos on phone screen). \u00a0Both low-income, but solvent. \u00a0Larson’s father is an insurance agent and alcoholic who had a fling in 1985 with a receptionist at their insurance office. \u00a0Proffett’s mother played fiddle in a country-western band in her twenties and owns a secret copy of Fifty Shades of Gray<\/em>.<\/p>\n JAREAU (whispering to REID): I always wondered – how does she get all that info instantly, without a search warrant?<\/p>\n REID (whispering back): \u00a0My IQ is in four digits, and after seven years, I still haven’t figured it out.<\/p>\n ROSSI: \u00a0So other than age, gender, blonde and working-class, no real link.<\/p>\n GARCIA: \u00a0Wait, wait – this just coming in now. \u00a0We have a third vic. \u00a022 year old Amy Rademacher. \u00a0Waitress at a Dennys on the west side. \u00a0She’s alive…<\/p>\n MORGAN: So something interrupted the unsub.<\/p>\n GARCIA: Correctamundo. \u00a0She also has a detailed physical description. \u00a0White, Male, late thirties, dark brown hair…<\/p>\n PRENTISS: \u00a0Yep…<\/p>\n GARCIA: \u00a0…and gushing blood from his chest…<\/p>\n REID: \u00a0Wait – that doesn’t fit the profile at all. \u00a0Unsubs of this type are almost always uninjured, in peak physical condition…<\/p>\n GARCIA: …where the victim shot the unsub six times at point blank range with the .357 snubnose revolver she carried. \u00a0And (checks scrolling panel on computer) yep, she has a valid Nebraska carry permit and… (pops up online data from a local Gander Mountain) shot better on her last day at the range than you did, oh tall, dark and handsome! (MORGAN blushes).<\/p>\n ROSSI (puzzled): \u00a0The victimology is all wrong! \u00a0Our vics are\u00a0never\u00a0<\/em>able to fight back…<\/p>\n HOTCHNER: \u00a0This is big. \u00a0Very big.<\/p>\n GARCIA: \u00a0Lincoln police is bagging what’s left of him up right now (photo of blood-smeared floor and full body bag pulsates on the screen. \u00a0GARCIA waves at the screen). Toodles, unsub.<\/p>\n MORGAN: \u00a0Well done, Princess.<\/p>\n GARCIA: \u00a0Oh, you just made kitty purr! \u00a0OK – adios, muchachos! \u00a0 (GARCIA bleems out).<\/p>\n PRENTISS: \u00a0Well, that settled that, I guess.<\/p>\n MORGAN: \u00a0Vics killing unsubs. \u00a0What’ll they think of next?<\/p>\n ROSSI: \u00a0Time to rewrite the book.<\/p>\n HOTCHNER (presses intercom button). \u00a0Pilot – take us back to Quantico.<\/p>\n
\nHOTCHNER: \u00a0Probably a complete stranger to the vics,but charming enough that they didn’t care…<\/p>\nmacguffin technician<\/del>\u00a0technical\u00a0analyst Chloe O’Brien<\/del> Penelope GARCIA)<\/p>\n