(SCENE: \u00a0A press conference on the steps of the Minnesota State Capitol. \u00a0Gretel Anderson-Rage of the League of Women Voters, Mike Boing of Common Cause MN and Irving Blotnik of the ACLU-MN are hosting a group of speakers, as two reporters, a homeless guy, and Carrie Lucking (of Alliance for a Better Minnesota) look on.<\/p>\n
BOING: \u00a0We are here to bring the voices of Minnesotans who will be disenfranchised by the Voter ID bill if it’s passed. \u00a0We have four speakers for you today. \u00a0I’d like to introduce the first; representing the Deceased-Minnesotan community, Elmer Torstengard.<\/p>\n
TORSTENGARD: \u00a0(Looking a bit pale) \u00a0Hello dere. \u00a0I just want to make sure the rights of dead people are upheld \u00a0We worked long and hard for this country, and our voices deserve to be heard. \u00a0Why should the fact that I died in 1992 silence me? \u00a0(Shuffles back to seat)<\/p>\n
ANDERSON-RAGE: \u00a0Thank you, Elmer. \u00a0We are here today to bear witness to the voter suppression inherent in this bill, which will disenfranchise 100,000… (LUCKING waves arms, points fingers upward) 200,000 (LUCKING frantically waves, points arms\u00a0way\u00a0<\/em>up as she jumps) 500,000 (LUCKING frantically makes “go big” sign) Five Million Minnesotans. \u00a0One of them will be Jacob Hemmerling-Doltz, a student at Macalester and a representative of the Duplicate-American community.<\/p>\n HEMMERLING-DOLTZ: \u00a0Dude. \u00a0I’ve got candidates I support down at Mac, dude. \u00a0And back home in Madison, too, dude. \u00a0And in Uptown Minneapolis, where I stayed last summer when I was interning with MPIRG. \u00a0I’ve made my contributions in all three places, why should my voice not be heard in all of them, dude. \u00a0I mean, dude? \u00a0Hello? \u00a0And maybe Dinkytown \u00a0(Sits down)<\/p>\n BOING: \u00a0I regret to announce our third speaker, Ingrid Bloff, representing the Inattentive-American community, seems to have forgetten to attend today’s event. \u00a0So we’ll move right along to Mr. Mick Maus, who represents the Fictional-American community.<\/p>\n