{"id":2343,"date":"2008-03-28T13:03:25","date_gmt":"2008-03-28T18:03:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=2343"},"modified":"2008-03-28T13:49:18","modified_gmt":"2008-03-28T18:49:18","slug":"one-day-at-the-buffalo-anti-defamation-league","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=2343","title":{"rendered":"One Day At The Buffalo Anti-Defamation League"},"content":{"rendered":"

Minutes from this morning’s meeting:<\/p>\n

———-<\/p>\n

LEADER: Attention! The moment we’ve been awaiting is at hand!<\/p>\n

VARIOUS OTHER BUFFALO: Sssssssh!<\/p>\n

LEADER: After centuries of being put down by the two-legs, and the humiliation of having North Dakota State University in Fargo co-opt our species name as a mascot<\/em> …<\/p>\n

MANY BUFFALO: (hissssssssss!)<\/p>\n

LEADER: …against our will, we are finally to get our due! This morning, I’m told a “Tom Elko” – a two-leg who writes for the Minnesota Monitor, who goes with our interests at heart – is set to blow the horns off of the two-legger conspiracy to keep the buffalo down!<\/p>\n

(Much enthusiastic stomping of hooves)<\/p>\n

RRRRUUHHHNXXH (a buffalo): Leader? Is this the same “Minnesota Monitor” that ridiculed their would-be leader’s teeth? Or that didn’t know that guns are already legal in two-leggers’ “bars”?<\/p>\n

LEADER: Yes! We have set up this computer to show the story when it comes across on the two-legs’ “Inter Net”. Grffffrnx, hit the button to view the “Web Page”.<\/p>\n

GRFFFFRNX (another buffalo, albeit less handsome): By your leave!<\/p>\n

(Grffffrnx the buffalo clumsily clicks a huge “mouse” button. The Minnesota Monitor story loads<\/a>)<\/p>\n

<\/a> (not actual size)
\n(Crestfallen dismay)<\/p>\n

GGGRRRRRNHX (Another buffalo): My god! After all these years, they write a story about the two-leg bastards in Fargo – and they put up the wrong logo<\/em>?<\/p>\n

RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: (a short, pugnacious buffalo)\u00a0 Pffft.\u00a0 Anything west of Saint Louis Park might as well be Uzbekistan to these two-legs!<\/p>\n

AAAAAAXHHHXXXXXHHH (a buffallette, something of a sex symbol at the BADL if I may be so bold): Noooo! To try to generate sympathy for us, they show a picture of another cursed two-leg<\/em>?\u00a0 The logo of the University of North Dakota, as opposed to North Dakota State, the purported subject of the two leggers’ story<\/em>?<\/p>\n

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHRN (a frumpy-looking middle-aged female buffalo):\u00a0 Omigod, it gets worse!\u00a0 Look what he wrote:\u00a0 “NDSU has frequently been criticized for its “Fighting Sioux” nickname and its Native American logo<\/strong>.”\u00a0 <\/em>Don’t these two-legs proof-read anything<\/em>?<\/p>\n

\u00a0RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: Look!\u00a0 He also writes “This latest incident comes the same week NDSU<\/strong> sorority Gamma Phi was put on “temporary social probation”…<\/em>They have THE WRONG INSTITUTION!<\/p>\n

LEADER: (Silent for a moment, choking back tears): Stupid…stupid speciesist two-leg bastards!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

And…scene.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Minutes from this morning’s meeting: ———- LEADER: Attention! The moment we’ve been awaiting is at hand! VARIOUS OTHER BUFFALO: Sssssssh! LEADER: After centuries of being put down by the two-legs, and the humiliation of having North Dakota State University in Fargo co-opt our species name as a mascot … MANY BUFFALO: (hissssssssss!) LEADER: …against our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,20,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-war","category-democrats","category-midwest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2343","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2343"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2343\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2343"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2343"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2343"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}