{"id":17656,"date":"2011-01-26T07:55:37","date_gmt":"2011-01-26T13:55:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=17656"},"modified":"2011-01-26T07:55:37","modified_gmt":"2011-01-26T13:55:37","slug":"ted-you-are","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=17656","title":{"rendered":"Ted, You Are"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ted Mondale is going to the Capitol today to start pimping for a new Vikings stadium<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Mere prose falls short in fighting causes like this (and if your prose is overheated enough, Janet Napolitano will arrest you.<\/p>\n

So I’m going to fight this battle via the gift of poetry.<\/p>\n

I present: “Green Stadium And Ham”.<\/p>\n

I am Ted.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ted I am<\/em><\/p>\n

That Ted-I-am!<\/p>\n

That Ted-I-am!<\/p>\n

I want no Stadium, Ted-I-am!<\/p>\n

Do you want a\u00a0Vikings Stadium?<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u00a0do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

I do not want a\u00a0Vikings Stadium!<\/p>\n

Would you want one\u00a0downtown or Blaine?<\/em><\/p>\n

I would not want one in\u00a0downtown or Blaine.<\/p>\n

Go away. Don’t be a pain.<\/p>\n

I do not want\u00a0a Vikings stadium.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

Would you want a retractable roof?<\/em><\/p>\n

Or skyboxes, for the aloof?<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not want a retractable roof<\/p>\n

or boxes for the irony-proof.<\/p>\n

Or one in either downtown or Blaine.<\/p>\n

Ted, you’ve got an issue in the brain.<\/p>\n

I do not want a Vikings stadium.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

Would you buy one paid with bonds?<\/em><\/p>\n

Would you buy one lined with fronds?<\/em><\/p>\n

Not paid with bonds.<\/p>\n

Not lined with fronds.<\/p>\n

Not with a roof, or hoi-polloi proof.<\/p>\n

Not in downtown, not out in Blaine.<\/p>\n

I don’t even want one over in Spain.<\/p>\n

I will not buy a Vikings stadium.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

Would you? Could you, in a recession?<\/em><\/p>\n

Buy one! I’ll cure your depression!<\/em><\/p>\n

No, not while the market is recessed,<\/p>\n

And go get tied. I’m not depressed.<\/p>\n

You may want one. You may mellow.<\/em><\/p>\n

You may want one purple and yellow!<\/em><\/p>\n

I would not want one purple and yellow.<\/p>\n

Not in A recession! You obnoxious fellow.<\/p>\n

I do not want one paid with bonds.<\/p>\n

I do not want one lined with fronds.<\/p>\n

I do not want one in downtown or Blaine.<\/p>\n

It’d be a monstrous fiscal stain!<\/p>\n

I do not want one here or there.<\/p>\n

I do not want one anywhere.<\/p>\n

I won’t pay for a Vikings stadium.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

A train! A train!<\/em><\/p>\n

A train! A train!<\/em><\/p>\n

If you could go to games by train?<\/em><\/p>\n

Not with a train! Not purple and yellow!<\/p>\n

Not in hard times, Ted, you obnoxious fellow!<\/p>\n

I would not, could not, paid with bonds.<\/p>\n

I could not, would not, lined with fronds.<\/p>\n

I will not buy one out in Blaine.<\/p>\n

Or to relieve “the children’s pain”.<\/p>\n

I will not buy one here or there.<\/p>\n

I will not buy one anywhere.<\/p>\n

I won’t buy a Vikings stadium.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

Say! with Zygi’s cash?<\/em><\/p>\n

A bit of Zygi’s cash!<\/em><\/p>\n

Would you, could you,\u00a0with a bit of his stash?<\/em><\/p>\n

I would not, could not, with Zygi’s cash.<\/p>\n

Would you, could you, with a bit more taxes?<\/em><\/p>\n

I will not, shall not pay more taxes.<\/p>\n

You have no idea what the facts is.<\/p>\n

I would not, could not with Zygi’s stash,<\/p>\n

Or even a surcharge on trash.<\/p>\n

Not in A recession. Not purple and yellow.<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted, little fellow.<\/p>\n

Not out in Blaine. Not paid with bonds.<\/p>\n

Not even lined with palmy fronds!<\/p>\n

You do not like a Vikings stadium?<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

Could buy one with a goat?<\/em><\/p>\n

You should be held behind a moat!<\/p>\n

Not with Zygi’s cash! Not purple and yellow!<\/p>\n

Not in A recession! You go to hell! Oh,<\/p>\n

I do not want one paid with bonds.<\/p>\n

I do not want one lined with fronds.<\/p>\n

I will not buy one out in Blaine.<\/p>\n

Losing the ‘queens won’t be such a pain.<\/p>\n

I do not want one here or there.<\/p>\n

I do not want one ANYWHERE!<\/p>\n

I do not like a Vikings stadium!<\/p>\n

I do not want one, Ted-I-am.<\/p>\n

You do not want one. So you say.<\/em><\/p>\n

Think “no more Vikings”! And you may!<\/em><\/p>\n

Think of “our” Vikings in LA!<\/em><\/p>\n

Ted! If you will let me be,<\/p>\n

I’ll think about it. You will see.<\/p>\n

Say! I like TCF stadium!<\/p>\n

Let’s play there! Play there, Ted-I-am!<\/p>\n

We don’t need to drive to Blaine!<\/p>\n

No traffic backups in the rain!<\/p>\n

No Zygi’s cash. And new-built train.<\/p>\n

Not in A recession. No purple and yellow.<\/p>\n

It’s an ingenious plan, you curious fellow!<\/p>\n

So I will not buy a single bond,<\/p>\n

and I’ll go to Hawaii for my fronds.<\/p>\n

We’ll stick with soccer out in Blaine.<\/p>\n

And ditch the endless parking pain.<\/p>\n

Don’t need a stadium here OR there.<\/p>\n

Don’t need to buy one anywhere!<\/p>\n

I do so like TCF stadium!<\/p>\n

Thank you! Thank you, Ted-I-am!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ted Mondale is going to the Capitol today to start pimping for a new Vikings stadium. Mere prose falls short in fighting causes like this (and if your prose is overheated enough, Janet Napolitano will arrest you. So I’m going to fight this battle via the gift of poetry. I present: “Green Stadium And Ham”. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[123],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17656","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-taxes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17656","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17656"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17657,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17656\/revisions\/17657"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}