SCENE: \u00a0At the headquarters of Jared\u00a0\u00ae Jewelry. \u00a0 Patricia LOPEZ, the receptionist, is sitting at the front desk answering phone calls.<\/p>\n
Phone rings.<\/p>\n
LOPEZ: \u00a0Hello, Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae…<\/p>\n
VOICE on phone: Hello, this is Sol Gallivan, the Guardian of Empiricism. \u00a0What does your slogan “It can only <\/em>be Jared” mean?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Hello again, Mr. Gallivan. \u00a0It means the same thing it did yesterday. \u00a0It’s an ad slogan.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: \u00a0But it implies that all meaning comes from Jared\u00a0\u00ae. \u00a0How do you substantiate that claim?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0I don’t. \u00a0Can I help you?<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: \u00a0Yes. \u00a0Explain how you figure all meaning comes from Jared \u00ae?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0I really can’t, sir. \u00a0It’s just a slogan. \u00a0Thanks for your call.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: But I…<\/p>\n (Phone hangs up).<\/p>\n (LOPEZ continues typing an email).<\/p>\n (Phone rings)<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Good Morning, Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae…<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: Hello, this is Sol Gallivan, the Guardian of Empiricism.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Hello again, Mr. Gallivan.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: Could you please <\/em>explain what you mean when your company says “it can only be Jared\u00ae? \u00a0Because it implies that there is some order to the universe, some eternal questions that are answered by your store.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Yes, Mr. Gallivan.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: Can you please tell me what those questions and answers are?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: No, Mr. Gallivan.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: Because I’d like any empirical evidence that you have that your store actually imposes order on the universe.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: We’ll get back to you on that, sir.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: \u00a0When exac…<\/p>\n (LOPEZ hangs up the phone).<\/p>\n (Jared LIGHT, CEO of Jared \u00ae, walks in).<\/p>\n LIGHT: Hey, Patty. \u00a0What’s new?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0Same as always. \u00a0That Gallivan guy is yapping about our ad slogan.<\/p>\n LIGHT: \u00a0(Yawns deeply). \u00a0OK. \u00a0Well, could you send one of the interns out for coffee…<\/p>\n (Phone rings. \u00a0LOPEZ holds up hand for a moment of quiet).<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae…<\/p>\n VOICE (on phone): \u00a0Yeah, this is Jeff Buckstein, security director for Jared’s \u00ae Maplewood, MN store…<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Hey, Jeff.<\/p>\n BUCKSTEIN: Hey Patty. \u00a0I just had security haul off that Gallivan guy. \u00a0He was standing outside the store, yelling at people who were walking in.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0What was he doing this time?<\/p>\n BUCKSTEIN: Yelling at people coming in the store that “there is no scientific evidence that It could, indeed, only be Jared \u00ae”.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Criminy.<\/p>\n BUCKSTEIN: \u00a0Please pass the word, OK?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Will do. \u00a0Thanks, Jeff. (Hangs up).<\/p>\n LIGHT: \u00a0Gallivan again?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: \u00a0Yep.<\/p>\n LIGHT: Maplewood again?<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Yep.<\/p>\n LIGHT: It’s gonna be one of those days.<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Yep.<\/p>\n (Phone rings)<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae…<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: \u00a0Hello, I’m Sol Gallivan, the Guardian of Empiricism. \u00a0I’d really like to know what you mean when you say “It can only be Jared…”<\/p>\n LOPEZ: It’s still just a slogan, Mr. Gallivan….<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: \u00a0I’m just wondering how you can sleep at night telling people untruths like…<\/p>\n (LIGHT motions to LOPEZ to give him the phone as GALLIVAN chatters away in the background).<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: …preying on the gullible and weak-minded…<\/p>\n LIGHT: Mister Gallivan? \u00a0This is Jared Light, CEO of Jared Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae.<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: Mister Light, I’d like to ask you…<\/p>\n LIGHT: No, Mr. Gallivan, I’d like to ask you<\/em>; if Jared Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae is not what it can only be, what else can <\/em>it be?<\/p>\n GALLIVAN: …<\/p>\n …<\/p>\n LIGHT: \u00a0Mister Gallivan?<\/p>\n (GALLIVAN hangs up the phone).<\/p>\n LOPEZ: Thanks, Mr. Light.<\/p>\n LIGHT: \u00a0No problem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SCENE: \u00a0At the headquarters of Jared\u00a0\u00ae Jewelry. \u00a0 Patricia LOPEZ, the receptionist, is sitting at the front desk answering phone calls. Phone rings. LOPEZ: \u00a0Hello, Jared, the Galleria of\u00a0Jewelry\u00ae… VOICE on phone: Hello, this is Sol Gallivan, the Guardian of Empiricism. \u00a0What does your slogan “It can only be Jared” mean? LOPEZ: Hello again, Mr. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,297],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-16468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-faiths-and-their-followers","category-favorites-culture","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16468"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44165,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16468\/revisions\/44165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}