To: Madonna
From: Mitch Berg, Former Club Jock, Current Irascible Peasant
Re: Things I Find Threatening

Ms. Ciccone,

The world is full of threats. Nuclear weapons. Crime. “Anti”-Fa. Baggage fees, resort fees, airline fees (or so the President told me during his State of the Union).

But while you were, in your prime (30-40 years ago) a very influential pop star, and were a reliable floor-packer when I was a club DJ, one thing I’d never, ever call anything about you is…


…a “threat”.

I wasn’t aware that filler caused excessive grandiloquence.

That is all.

9 thoughts on “Ma’Donn

  1. Madonna, 30-40 years ago on the vanguard of pansexualism she monetized for pop culture her willingness to f*ck anything or let anything f*ck her! Yes she is a threat

  2. She got caught by ol’ ‘ass or face’ dilemma facing many older woman. She dieted & worked out like crazy & had a nice tight but, but she looked like skeletor, so she went for the face fill & ended up grotesque.

  3. She looks like she’s auditioning for the lead in a sci fi movie, complete with Princess Leia hair, and unnaturally large lips. She does not look human, and while taste may be subjective, that’s sort of a baseline.

  4. My wife worked with a woman who knew her in high school–this happens sometimes when you live in southern MI–and my wife’s colleague’s sole memory of her was she looked at her and said “your shoes are ugly”. So Ms. Ciccione’s class and grace goes back a long time. As a MSU grad, I’m happy to note she went to that school in Ann Arbor, just like the Unabomber. Two peas in a pod.

    For my part, I’ve never thought she was that attractive. Maybe she was underneath all the makeup and creepy costumes she wore, but she did a great job of hiding it.

  5. She’s way past her expiration date – sour, full of piss and vinegar and looking like a prune she eats to keep her regular.

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