Top Ten Benefits Of Same Sex Marriage Passing
Friday, May 10th, 2013So after yesterday’s passage in the House, it looks like gay marriage is a shoo-in. The Senate will pass it like diarrhea through a bum’s lower GI tract, and Governor Messinger will sign it, possibly by Tuesday.
I’ve said it a million times; gay marriage means different things to me. As a small-l libertarian, I don’t know that there’s not a case for allowing two consenting adults to sign a contract. As a Christian, I think same-sex marriage is like playing tennis without rackets; it sort of misses the point of what marriage is, at least as I understand it. As a member of a political minority in a place where the majority is deeply authoritarian, I think it’s just a matter of time before the state’s bureaucracy and an aggressive and recession-ravaged plaintiff’s bar starts suing people – photographers, bakers, tailors – who won’t work with gay couples, and eventually churches that demur. As a divorced guy, I think “what the f**k are you gays thinking? Gays have more disposable income per capita than breeders; a few years of exposure to the legal industry should bring you back down to earth”.
But this post isn’t about bad news. This post is about finding the bright side of gay marriage in Minnesota.
To wit: the Top Ten Benefits of Same Sex Marriage’s eventual enactment:
Bonanza!: My friends in the Family Law business are going to be able to upgrade their vacation plans! Gays currently earn more than breeders, per capita; that’ll change now.
Won’t Bakk Down!:The DFL loses a wedge issue; since gays can now marry, the DFL is going to have to find another small, aggrieved, but wealthy and influential minority with an injustice to flog. They don’t grow on trees.
The Honeymoon Is Over, And Cost A Metric Poo-ton!: Gays can stop futzing over “Marriage” and start wondering where the hell all their tax money is going. Now that their value as a wedge is nearly exhausted (“bullying” is going to play out pretty quick, here), it’ll be time for Gay Minnesota to figure out its political future.
The Battle Is Over, And We’re In A Metric Poo-Ton Of Doo-Doo!: Republicans can stop futzing with marriage and start wondering where in the all their tax money and their political future is.
Walk On The Wild Side!: Now, committed middle-class Christians can start learning civil disobedience, ignoring state marriage licensing.
Let’s Play Football!: Chris Kluwe can get so focused on his punting now.
Back Of The Bus!: The African-American community – which was even less favorably disposed to gay marriage than the mainstream white evangelical community – now has further evidence that the DFL wants them to shut up and sit at the back of the bus until they’re called on – on election day.
Honesty Can Prevail!: The DFL can stop pretending to care about gays. The Teamsters and SEIU can go back to beating them up like back in the day.
A Learning Opportunity!: The interesting thing about this debate was that the best debating on the behalf of gay marriage was done by libertarian conservatives, who made the libertarian and, to a degree, conservative case that there’s no reason to keep consenting adults out a contractual system that the other 98% of the the population gets. The left’s argument – especially on the “Lefty Street”, the thousands of “progressive” bobbleheads who turned out to chant and eventually vote – ran more along the lines of “you are teh bigot!”. So now that they’ve won, perhaps the left can put some of that extra energy into teaching their young adherents the rudiments of logic. Unless, of course, having masses of stupid, smug, ignorant, sloganeering, chanting-bot followers is exactly what they want.
Hmmm.
So congrats, gays!
CORRECTION: House, not Senate. You seen one group of extreme liberal dogmatists, you’ve seen ’em all.












